Thursday, November 24, 2005

Obat Kuat

Tok Ku – You have another item in the Monsoon Menu – “Boiled Uby Cayoo Dipped in Anchovy Sauce” (Ubi Kayu Rebuh Cicoh Budu). It had always being in the Menu Museng Boh - besides Rebuh Ubi Stella. The rainy cold weather makes you very hungry and the boiled tapioca always taste wonderful. The best food have two main criteria - it is free and you’re very hungry. The dishes served at the kenduri doa selamat is always very delicious. Why? You have to pray the Maghrib and then read Yasin and Tahlil followed by a marathon doa. Then , it is solat isya and only by 9.30; or if the Tok Imam read another long marathon doa, you will get your dinner at 10.00 pm. Anything and everything will taste heavenly then - you’re very hungry and nasi minyak is free. Anyway, if ubi kayu rebus is RM 7.50 per tongkol , I am sure it won’t taste that nice and I will not try it even it is listed in the Monsoon Menu. It’s no more UBI KAYU, the food of the rakyat –but it is UBI KAYA - the food of the rich !!
I was given the assignment not on the “ubi kayu rebus” – but on the “ ubat kayu rebus” untuk memperkasa kekuatan lelaki! Of course, the first thing that comes to mind is the Tongkat Ali . It is a bit bitter but the result is a good performance and it is not so obviously embedded in your tarik or kopi susu. But it can be very addictive “ Tanpa Tongkat Ali, Tiada Ereksi ! “ – the new disease the TAEDS - Tongkat Ali Erection Deficiency Syndrome. May be it is just psychological. There is the minyak dhab ( the halaal desert lizard) form the Arab countries. That creature is very tough and long lasting. You can sembelih it and put it under the basin in the morning. By the late evening, it will still be alive and you have to cook the next day . You cannot just chopped it off- since you have to sembelih properly by cutting the urat mereh. There is also the Gambir Sarawak which should be renamed as Gambir Gembira ( the Happy Gambier). It has to be pre applied and you must know the exact dose. If it is over dose, it will be hot on yours and in your partner. Both have to stay in bath tub the rest of the night listening to the Beatles’ famous song “It is a hard day’s night, down there it’s very hot!!”. Can you imagine putting the plant acid ( getah pokok) on your normal skin – what more on the very sensitive semi exposed skin . Well, I once got this brilliant idea of producing a spray that form a thin film which is better than the present 0.001 mm. one finger rubber glove. However, it may be left inside on withdrawal . It will be a hard time retrieving it out as many skilled surgeons even leave the operations instrument after performing a Caesarian .
There are the famous jamu and maajun of Indonesia. ( But , don’t ask for ma’jun in Arab countries , they will give you the toothpaste and of course, you can brush your teeth but not for strengthening) . The well known one is Jamu Air Mancur and Jamu Pasak Bumi . The names are self explanatory “the sprouting water” and the “axis of the earth”. Jamu Jaguh Ayam Jantan (Champion Cock Brand) is very explicitly explained. and the content label showed the presence of Eurycomae Longifoliae and Zingeberis Rhizoma. It is called under the terminology of sexuality care as in skin care , eye care etc. . The method of Jamu treatment is very different from the conventional western approach. The jamu encourages the body to produce its own antibodies and acts as a catalyst and does not replace the body’s function. The strength comes from within. There’s Jamu Benkwat, Jamu Nyonya Meneer, Jamu Pria Perkasa. With the increase on the emigrant workers – the jamu sellers are a common sight in pasar malam in Malaysia like Tanah Abang , Jalan Gelora or Ancur in Jakarta. !!
There are those who use the jampi and mantras which began with “Gagah Ali , Gagah Musa ..Gagahkan hok aku……..”, There are those who do the exercise – the senaman harimau which put extra tiger in your pant. . Then, there is the muscle building and weight lifting exercise. You start with light shoes - tie the shoe lace on to it and try to lift it first with one shoe and then with two shoes. When you have built up the muscles, you tie a dumb bell and lift it like a weight lifter or body builder.. That exercise will have the combined effect of building the muscle (like the body builders) and strength ( like the weight lifter) as well as the stamina ( like the marathon runner). But please exercise with care- if you over exercise , it will not wake up at all and stays down with the other two dumb bells !!


TokKu- Man is created as the best being in the worlds. The picture of the man by Da Vincci was in perfect balance. That’s how an Italian artist sees a man. On the other hand, the Spanish artist may not see man as that balance. Man can have the ears under the armpit; the eyes in between the legs and the genitals on the foreheads. Have seen the drawing by Pablo Picasso? They were all so distorted and have those distorted characteristics of man /woman. It was a confused art but they called it modern art and sell the masterpieces for millions. I say this at the risk of being heavily condemned by the modern artist. I suppose those who can see those picture in its proper form is one who suffer from dyslexia. So from a distorted picture of his art, the image in their mind is perfect and proper . See his paintings such as Girl before the Mirror (which showed reflections of distortion ), Tete D'une Femme Lisant – like a woman with splitting headache, Musketeers and Cupid (really distorted) Le Sculpteur ( seriously distorted)to name a few. Genital on the fore head. They used to tell those stories of those who were very friendly with the local girls in Sarawak. With the black magic , one will wake up in the morning and found that the genitals on your foreheads. As you were worried about the mis circumcision but I am worried what happened to the nose and the mouth on the entry..On the other hand, they are in contrast with da Vinci’s portraits of Minah binti Lesut ( @ Monalisa), Jarah binti Mat Kecik (Ginevra De' Venci ) Selasiah binti Ghani (Cecilia Gallerani) who were non distorted ladies with perfect smiles. If Picasso were to illustrate the Kamasutra , it will be rather difficult to see the positions , and impossible to perform it . However, the modern artist and cubist defended him as the one who was not satisfied with the limited possibilities of traditional mode of representation. He was constantly , incessantly striving for new means of expression !!Such distorted unbalanced creatures can be seen in Star Wars or the Starship Enterprise. Such as Jabbar the Hut, Yodi etc. Is it a fraction of the imagination – no , it may be pictured in the Dante’s Divine Comedy or in the ceramah on the Prophet Journey of Night of Israk Mikraj. Man is created as the best being in the worlds. “ We have indeed created man in the best of moulds, Then do We abase him (to be) the lowest of the low,( Surah 95- The Fig ; Verse 4,5). On the other hand, Lucia may bring her quotation “ So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them (Genesis 1:27).

Monday, November 21, 2005

Monsoon Cake

Tok Ku- Your suggestion to popularize the Trengganu Monsoon Cakes (as a spinoff of the Monsoon Cup) was brilliant. However, the names of the various Trengganu cakes (and other dishes) have to be globalized. First, we need the appropriate name for “Kepok Leko”. I suppose the name refers to the position it assumes when it is taken out of the hot steaming wok and not when it is put into it. Perhaps, it should be written as “Twirling Fish Sausage” in the menu. Other options are coiling, looping, curling, spiraling, twisting, etc sausage but twirling seems to be a better - not to confuse with the Fish Brand Mosquito Coil.
It has also been more exotically called “Kepok Gonde” (possibly referring to the position and shape when it is held up at one end). Any suggestion for its English equivalent - The Dangling Fish Sausage? It is even called as “Kepok Gete” (gentel) referring to the process of making it which can be translated into the “Fondled Fish Sausage”. Perhaps, the smaller, short and stubby keropok from Losong should be called “Kepok Gete” as it require lots of gentle “genteling” by the ladies’ fingers ( with the help of the flour powder) to make it hard and firm. The long ones with medium circumference should be called “kepok leko” as it twirls around due to its length. The big size kepok which stood danglingly erected when hold in the hand should be called kepok gonde –it used lots of tapioca instead of the real sago that feels really starchy when you hold them in your hands. Unless there are other better and acceptable suggestions, the various versions of Fish Sausages should appear as such in the Trengganu Monsoon Menu.
How about other Trengganu cakes or dishes? “Otok Otok” can be transliterated as “Brain Square”. It should never be called “Trengganu’s Brain” – not to be misconstrued that the brains of Trengganu are being sold at a cheap price as it is seldom being used ! On the other hand, remember that we are very advance in high technology where even the heavy stone can be made to float as a raft in the South China Sea (Batu Rakit). “Sata” may be called the Baked Cone Fish Cake or more technologically advanced as Baked Apollo Fish Cake. Trengganu has its own version of the ikan and ayam percik - known locally as the ikang or ayang golek. So, it should be differentiated from the Kelantan’s percik dish. The English version should be Barbecued Fish / Chicken Chillied Coconut Milk. What about the famous Trengganu Nasi Dagang which is white in colour as compared to the reddish kelantan nasi dagang ? The Commercial / Trader/ Merchant Rice? But dagang in Trengganuspeak means alien or foreign, thus, it may be translated as the Foreign or Immigrant Rice with the Tuna Goulash – it will be popular with the Indons & Banglas. The Trengganu noodles are definitely different from Johor noodles. It should be called the Spaghetti of Trengganu – sphaghennu and also the laksam or lasagna of Trengganu or laksaganu? Rojak Keling (pasembo) as Curling Roger’s Mixed Salad to avoid any objection by certain affected party.
How about the various Tepungs of Trengganu? – the Oil Lamp Cake (tepung pelita)? the Sweet Hardcock Pudding (akok)? The Hard Doughnut (kuih badak)? the Rightist Cake ( kuih penganan)? Coconut Pancake (lepeng nyor)? There’s the Crumpled Sago cake or Mr. Gopal from Assam (asam gumpal)? the Bathing Princess (puteri mandi)? Mr. Abbas Saturday Night Fever ( Encik Abbas Demam) ? The Sweet Scrambled Duck Egg instead of Duck Shit (tahi itek) ? And of course, the Squeezed Sticky Rice Squid (ketupat sotong)?. To jump start your dessert , we can have the Jump and Stab Cake (kuih lompat tikam). Finally, the original boiled and fried specialties of Trengganu, namely, the Boiled Turtle Egg (telo piung rebuh) and Fried Ice Cream ( (air sekering goreng) should not be left out of the Monsoon Menu. To make it more sophisticated, the names of these cakes and dishes should be translated into French or Italian.
These Trengganu specialties should be sold in the Seasonal Pasar Tengkujuh ( like the Seasonal Pasar Ramadan) which can be held together with the Piala Tengkujuh . The champion yatch of the Monsoon Cup Sailing should not be christened with a bottle of champagne so as not to pollute the image of Trengganu Darul Iman . Perhaps, the champion yatch will be christened with a big bottle of highly fermented anchovy sauce (budu) which may give the same celeberative effects with a difference - grayish bubbles and fermented fish smell.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Raya 6

Tok Ku - The open house is a modern urban phenomenon. In the kampung, the house is always opened during hari raya. No need for invitation – just walks in, Salam the host wish selamat hari raya, eat the kuih raya and say good bye. . You can see groups of children visiting from house to house. You have to ask them frankly “nak makan kuih atau nak duit?” Of course, they wanted duit raya and that will save you the trouble of preparing the food for them and ended with the ketupat gravy or syrup water spilling on your carpet. If the kampung is located next to a housing estate, they will do the round in the well to do housing estates. When you tell them you don’t have small change, they will ask how much you need and in what denominations? They can change it for you with the amount they have gathered. !!
Raya at the kampung is more interesting. They go to the relatives’ and friends’ houses in two or three cars. They met their second or third cousins whom they have not met since the last one or two years and discovered that the female ones are getting more beautiful and sexy now. The children will collect the duit raya and nieces and nephews will also give duit raya to old and needy Aunties and Uncles. Visiting relatives and friends should be maintained as the raya tradition. But the special raya programmes kept them glued to the TV all day and long- which should not be so. Some friends have the open house on the first raya day – knowing very well that everybody is back to kampung! After all, the raya is for the whole month of syawal. Those having open house on the first raya are actually not giving chance to others to come to their house. It is not surprising that the open house sometimes even spilled over to the next month of Zulkaedah since there is no opportunity to organize the open house on the weekends
The food for the first raya was mainly kuih basah (wet cakes) - ketupat, rending, lemang, lontong etc. and jars of kuih kering (dried modern and traditional cakes). They used to make it themselves but nowadays the “kuih tunjuk”is more popular. (i.e. go to the shopping complex and point out (tunjuk) which ones you want to buy). The kuih kering is sometimes not that popular with adults and lots of leftovers can be carried forward to the raya haji. But don’t leave the bottles/ jars etc. unattended to the children and it will just disappear in no time. If you are lucky, when you make the raya visit on the third day, the host may invite you for lunch – goring ikan kering, lemak cili api and sambal belacan. It is so nice since you did not have your lunch for one month!! It’s funny that by lunch time, you become hungry even though you can skip lunch for the last one month.
There is the sunat puasa enam. (The optional 6 days post raya fasting). You usually want to complete your puasa enam as soon as possible – as an additional sunat puasa or as a replacement puasa for the women. But you have to visit your relatives on those days and they offered you drinks or food. They said that those started the puasa enam in earnest and break the fast to honour the host will get two rewards (pahala) – one for sincerely attempting to puasa and an additional reward for sincerely respecting your host. The key word is sincerity. The Puasa Enam followed Raya Enam is very popular event in Batu Enam in Kuala Trengganu or for that matter in the East Coast. The puasa enam has a very high bonus and rate of return ( more than the ASB dividend). You six days optional fasting is equivalent to one month - fast one day get 5 days reward. It can be more trying since others may be eating all around you. By the way , I have not started my puasa enam yet and God willing, I am planning to do it the last week of Syawal.

same difference

Tok Ku- Remember the story of a boy at the zoo who taunted the monkey. Whatever movements and gestures he made, the monkey followed. Finally, the boy gave to the monkey a sharp knife and then pretended to cut his throat with the blunt side of the knife. The monkey smiled bluntly and showed a very vulgar sign with its hands. Then, the monkey sang Zainal Abidin’s song “kita serupa...kita serupa…” (We are all the same but it is the other whom we always blame)
This imitative monkeying seems to have its parallel in the Freedemocracist (freedom & democracy promoter) and the Terrorist (promoter of terrorism). There is Afghanistan – thousands of mujahiddin and innocent civilians were bombed first by the Russian. Then, the American imitated it by blasting the mountains for the taliban. Besides the convenient label of mujahidin or taliban, there were thousands of innocent Afghans. The Afghans were blasted by American smart bomb when they were on the way and celebrating the village wedding which turned to a village funeral. So, the suicide bombers in Amman also imitated what the F16 fighter pilots did. The bomb was smart but the F16 fighter pilot was much smarter not return to base empty handed but with mission accomplished so; the Afghans contribute to the statistics. The suicide bombers also copied this approach at the wedding to get good statistics of dead and injured. It is the same difference.

Bush declared and attacked the countries that harboured terrorist. So the terrorist followed suit, they also attacked those countries which harbour western “tourists.” Those who suppose to have or attempted to set up the WMD were attacked as a preemptive strike strategy. The terminology is interesting – the US soldiers are not foreign fighter since Iraq is now the recently acquired American colony. However, the locals are the terrorist and other Arabs are foreign fighters. The visit by the US President George to Iraq imitated the visit by the King George to British India. The recent visit by Secretary CondoLISA to Iraq imitated the visit by Queen Elisabeth to British India.
In the history of mankind, no country in this world had ever used the Weapon of Mass Destruction (WMD) to another human being except America. America. America sent The Fat Man and The Little Boy to Japan which blew off Hiroshima and Nagasaki and killed thousands of innocence lives as collateral damage No country had ever used the chemical weapons on mass scale (napalm and yellow agent) except America. However, there are many who wanted to imitate this and start monkeying around with WMD such as India, Pakistan, Iran, Iraq, and North Korea etc. America along with other countries such as France, Israel is keeping the WMD with no questions asked. Why are they still keeping it - just as souvenir of destruction? Or for defensive purpose if the alien from another planet were to attack this world. ? May be they want to prove the “Big Bang Theory” which they believed how this world began and can be ended by another “Big Bang”
Remember Palestine? Ben Gurion and Rabin were the guerrilla leaders who bombed the hotel and blast the Arab settlements. .They was not called the terrorist then since they were being brutally terrorized by Europe during the Second World War... (The Serbs copied the ethnic cleansing approach by Germany) .Now, the Palestinians who wanted to get back to their land are imitating the same action and they are known as terrorist. The case of massacre of Sabra and Shatila by the Phalanges /Ariel Sharon. The American approved Saddam Hussein to copy this approach against the Kurds in Faluja. But later it was condemned
The American “rounded up” the Afghans and others suspected taliban fighters and kept them in Guatanomo Bay. The US government seems did not supply enough toilet paper to their own soldiers. There are cases where the US had subcontracted and outsourcing the torture to many centers throughout the world... The terrorist learned and copied this by capturing innocent reporters, embassy officials and volunteer workers and kept them in custody in small rooms. However, the terrorist did not contract out the torture to other and prefer to DIY. Abu Gahraib prison was very famous for torture and perhaps, the American contractors wanted to maintain the traditions with visual historical records.

Is it copycat, the pot called the kettle black, the pork called the cattle black; we learn from history and repeat history as present current geopolitical actions? When a Malaysian from a third world pointed this out in the Human Rights seminar, the representatives of those countries walked out, thus denying that such parallel never exit... What they did is for the noble cause and what similar thing you do is for the evil cause! It is the pork calling the cattle black. And it is the third world is always the black sheep. Whatever it is immaterial of their motive etc. the bombing and killing of the innocence is wrong – immaterial who ever did it for what reason other than for self defense and defensive pre emptive attack.

Thursday, November 10, 2005


Tok Ku- Back to Schools with Alif Bata ? No, this is not the brand of shoes advertised for school children. It is a serious study of Usul Fiqh which is rather complex by itself. Whether touching one’s wife (or non muhrim) will nullify the ablution (batal wuduk); depends on the interpretation of the phrase “LAMASTU NISSA” (touch a woman / menyentuh wanita) . Different schools of thoughts (mahzabs) will have different versions of their interpretations. This is the case of khilaf ulamak - acceptable differing views of the ulamas which are entirely different from the questionable views of ulamak khilaf. Most Malaysian most are following the schools of Imam Muhammad bin Idris El Shafei except those who practice the Mutaah marriage.
“To touch a woman” can be interpreted in its literal ( harfiah) and metaphorical ( qias) sense. The literal meaning will in turn depend on the emotive aspect of the touch - innocent touch or arousal touch. The literal touch of your wife with your hand is the actual physical touch – just innocent skin to skin contact. This is stated in Surah An Nisa 43 ( The Women) that after coming back from toilet and after touching the woman, you have to wuduk by tayamum ( dry cleaning style)
The metaphorical meaning of “touch” is similar to the game of rugby where you get into a scrum( it is better if you play the hooker position ) , tackle down your opponent, and dive to “touch down” by making sure the ball is on the ground.. That’s rugby played by the British Commonwealth countries. There is the “touch” football played by the US and American’s former and present colonies. Since it is a rough game, they wear special caps to cover their head fearing that they may vomit out during the game. This metaphorical word “touch” is used in Surah Mariam : 20 (Mary) when the Gabriel told her that she will give birth to a boy she was surprised as she was not “touched’ by any man.
The third interpretation is between the physical touch and the metaphorical touch i.e. with the sexually aroused feeling. It is not only touching of the opposite sex but the touching of oneself will nullify the wuduk depending where it is. The “touch up” will maintain the wudu’ or the “ touch down” intentionally or unintentionally at the strategic locations will nullify the wuduk.
So, it depends on the syntax of the sentence and the context of the situation. There are so many combinations and permutations which lead to much confusion and lack of comprehension . It is so complex and my walled told me “tak wajib usul” ( avoid going the origin of the species not to end up like the Charles Darwin climbing the trees. ) To some extent, one has to follow with open eyes ( taqlid) based on the adequate information. So, I am in favour of the opinion of El Shafei who takes the straight interpretation of physical touch as elaborated in the El Umm ( Vol. 1) which nullify the wuduk.
Do you not think? Well, you have to think with knowledge and wisdom. If not, it will become a mental gymnastics – and you may end up with sprained brain and worse still a sprained aqidah. Surely, one has to taqlid on certain issues. Once I wanted to become an ustaz but I never get started still remains as an intention – thus still remain as an upstart unstart ustaz.


Pok Ku- Even though the “kain samping” fell down, the datukship remained intact but which datuk are you referring to - Datuk, Dato’, Datu, datuk or Tok? It is rather confusing since there are many types of datuks being conferred and to receive it, your sampings should remain intact on your waist with the use of the “bengkung.”( wide belt) In some States, the “bengkung” is worn outside the samping to hold it to the waist ; while in other states, it is worn inside the samping to hold the keris and the “simpul samping” ( knot) is tied to the Keris? Pok Ku should know this protocol since you’re from the blue blood lineage. Perhaps, one day you should blog on the silk, songket, setangan, sampings, sembah and setana protocol. And of course , in the blogging world of the Malaysia website, you’re affectionately called as Pok Ku . The pangkat Pak or Pok is reserved for those below 50s and those who are above 60s should be addressed appropriately . I propose to address you as Tok Ku ( Datuk Tengku) which is equivalent to the famous Tok Ku of Kuala Trengganu
The generic term “datuk” refers to all types of datuks available in Malaysia and also in the Philippines. However, the Datuk (spelt with a “k”) is the honorary Federal title given by the Agong to those (civil service, private sector, NGOs ) who had somewhat made some contributions to the country. This title is also used by those States without the traditional rulers (Straits Settlements, Sabah and Sarawak). The higher classes of the Federal title are Datuk Sri, Tan Sri and Tun. Their wife will get their corresponding titles such as, Datin, Datin Sri, Puan Sri and Toh Puan respectively. Datuk used to be a masculine gender and given only to man while the ladies were given the feminine gender Datin Paduka. . But later even the woman are given the datukship – thus, it has become a neutral gender title. Unfortunately, if the wife gets her datukship, the husband doesn’t get to be called Datin. How about those who have more than one wife? It is reserved for the first wife only.
Toh Puan should not be confused with the wife of a Dato’ from Trengganu ,i.e., Tok Puan (abrreviated from Datuk Perempuan or in Trengganuspeak pronounced as Tok Puang). It should not be confused with the common Trengganuspeak of “Tok Ppuang” which means “wife”. Some modern grandmas don’t like to be called Nenek or Tok Wan as it sound too old (as opposed to Tok Ki = datuk lelaki), they asked their grandchildren to call them Tuk Puan (Atuk Perempuan). Nevertheless, among the other Datins, the Tok Puan may like to be mispronounced as Toh Puan meaning Tun’s wife. The wife of Tan Sri is Puan Sri. There are some Malay young ladies whose name begins with Seri such as Seri Dewi , Seri Ayu who are normally addressed as Cik Sri Dewi . When she is married, she become a “puan” and addressed as Puan Sri Banun. If she happened to be married to a Tan Sri it will be Puan Sri Seri Dewi.
The Dato’ spelt with an apostrophe is given by the States’ Traditional Rulers. The higher class Dato Seri will be spelt differently to differentiate from the Federal titles. However, the States will add additional title to their Dato’ such as Dato’ Paduka, Datu Patinggi, Dato’ Wira, Dato Pahlawan. However, they are normally address as Dato’/Datuk only.. However, in Sabah, Sarawak and even Philippines, they pronounced datuk without the K or O’ – Datu as in Lahad Datu. ( Lahad = tanah , Datu = datuk). The title is given as Datu in Sarawak and the Southern Philippines also used this “datu”. When it comes to Peninsular Malaysia , it is semenanjunised as “datuk.” Some States had form the State Dato’’s Association – not to be confused with the Philippines Datu.
Some States also gave the traditional hereditary Dato’, i.e., for the Dato Empat and Dato Lapan. The DPM gets his traditional hereditary Dato at the early age before being awarded other titles There is also the hereditary Tun and many of them in Trengganu were my friends such as Tun Muhammad, Tun Suri, and Tun Fatima. There were famous Malay characters in the Malacca history like Tun Sri Lanang (writer), Tun Mutahir (Bendahara), Tun Mamat (Gunung Ledang Climber) and Lady Tuns such as Tun Fatimah, Tun Teja and Tun Kudu. I don’t know whether such traditional hereditary titles can be carried on by the descendants any more as the registration have certain regulations on this matter.
It is long enough to have a title in front of the name but to proceed with another set of addressing protocol is rather complicated to those uninitatited. The datuk will be preceded by the Yang Berbahagia (Y. Bhg) . For the Member of Parliament or State Assembly, their names will be preceded by Yang Berhormat (Y.B).There is a lot of confusion in addressing them. I suppose this way of respectfully addressing others follows the Arabic way. The Arab called their friend as friend ( sahibul) and not by the real name which is considered as rude. For example, Sahibul Saadah – my happy friend ( Sahabat Yang Berbahagia) So, delete the “sahabat”; and Malaysian are left with Yang Berbahagia only. As to the successful politician, it is Sahibul Muktaram –Yang Berhormat ( Or is it from the Westminster “The Right Honourable M.P”?) For the judges , Yang Arif ( the Learned Friend). For the Mufti and Qadi , Sahibul Fadilah ( yang Utama) . Those with the higher posts, will be addressed with an additional “ Amat “ ( Most) e.g. Yang Amat Berbahagia ( YAB P.M., YAB M.B) .
There is the original common use of datuk . The natural datuk is one get when a man gets grandchildren and becomes a grandfather. It is natural and cannot be withdrawn life time. But the ladies will get the not so nice title of nenek or tok wan. The conferred datuk will sleep with a Datin but a natural datuk will have to sleep with a grandmother.
In those days , when you are caught by the policeman , you will put a “muka kesian” and appeal to him “Tolong lah datuk jangan saman saya”. That’s the datuk sergeant ( Tok Jan) of the Police Force and I don’t know how they acquire that title – perhaps it reflects some one with authority . In the modern days , those with authority are called Boss ( after the Bruce Lee’s film Big Boss).When you parked wrongly and the security guards wanted to clamp your car, you appeal to him “Sorry lah Boss, Please don’t clamp my car since I was in the emergency situation to run to the toilet.” By recognizing his authority and appealing to his ego , you may save RM 100 to remove the clamp.
There is the spiritual datuk which is of animistic origin. When you go into the jungle, you have to salute them and ask for the permission to enter his jungle. “Tabik datuk anak cucu tumpang lalu / Tabik datuk anak cucu tumpang kencing” . ( I salute you datuk , your grandchildren want to pass through/ I salute datuk , please grant the permission to piss). If not, it is believed ( animistically) that you will be punished ( kena tegur) with high fever or worse still that specific organ of yours will be swollen ( Some may want that, since there is no need to go for the enlarger as often advertised in the internet’s junk mail). Some will be more adventurous and take the opportunity to ask the datuk who guarded the big trees or graveyards to request for the forecast four digit numbers ( BIG and SMALL) for next week .
The feared animal in the jungle are also given the due respect by not calling their actual names. When one suspect there is a tiger in the vicinity – one always refer to it as datuk - never mentioned the word rimau /harimau/ tiger out of respect and to protect one self from being attacked or eaten . It has been developed into a children game or play . The datuk harimau game. You ask what time is datuk rimau . He will tell the time and finally he will say that it is his meal time and will true to catch the children who will run screaming . It is fun when you are small – either you don’t want to be caught and if it is your favorite uncle or grandpa ( datuk) you wan to be caught hand hug by him.
There is many other common use of datuk which is shortened as Tok only. There is the Tok Guru who earns the title of grand teacher / grand master. It can be Tok Guru Silat –martial arts or Tok Guru Ugama - the religious teacher . There is the Tok Jora ( juara) of the dikir barat and he is the lead singer and therefore, the leader of a Rap Group should be called Tok Rapper . There is the Tok Dalang and he is the real Master of the Performing Arts- director/producer/actors/actress/singer etc. of the wayang Kulit. . Perhaps the conductor of the orchestra performing at the Petronas Philomenic Theater should be appropriately called Tok Dalang Musik . Tok Dalang is also used in the negative sense, i.e. the master mind or the King maker. There is the Tok Qadi – he is the one you look for when your daughter is getting married or when you ‘re getting married to a second or fourth wife either in Malaysia or across the border. There is the Tok Nujum - the royal astrologer as in Nujum Pak Belalang. There is the Trengganuspeak “Tok Ttua” who is the parent in law ( mertua ).