Derumo

Friday, June 03, 2005

Ganuvocabulary

The Kamasutra of Ganuspeak “SIT” ( duduk /dok)
duduk cattok – the well positioned bosom ( protruding)
dudok cokkoh – sitting like a frog
duduk senggeng, - when you have boils, sit this way to reduce the pressure/ pain
duduk belunjur – siting with the two legs astride in front.( like sitting in a canoe)
dudok silla - sit cross legged (gentlemen)
dok sila panggung – sit cross legged on a chair when wearing a short skirt /cheogsamdudok sippoh – sitting on your legs on the right sides
duduk cakkong – squatting - (eastern style toilet sitting)
Dudok mollek – sitting down properly ( ladylikely)dudok diang - sit still and no fidgitting
dudok nanggok. – squatting with skirt open revealing your colour for the day
duduk kkekeng,? – the position in the labour ward?
duduk nyabong? – lie on your stomach with the two legs folded backwards.
'duk berdiri'. – pretending to be sitting in the standing position ( as in the film Seniman Bujang Lapok)
dudok nonggeng - the Chinese termed it as yam seng – bottoms up
dok jjalang – while walking and not in the process of illegal soliciting
dok nnengung – worried and looking into the empty space.
kkekeng soyok -to split open ( like opening the durian )
ssila napok lutut calat! – cross legged but the knees are not covered by the sarong.

We Men vs WOMEN

Extracted from Female Magazine May Edition;
Why we like to go to the toilet in groups. Its just safer, okay?( OR IS IT THAT WOMEN LIKE TO DO TOILET THINGS IN A GROUP SO THAT WE CANNOT IDENTIFY WHO MAKE THE MOST NOISE) )
Sometimes, we just need to talk about our problems without being given solutions to them. Venting helps, you know. ( THAT’S BECAUSE THE TALKING HABITS - SINCE WOMAN HAVE EXTRA MOUTH)
We cry over everything, from happy things to scary and sad things.( THE WOMENS TEARS ARE CHEAP )
Girl power..they will never get it. ( THAT’S WHEN THEY OVERPOWER TH EMOST POWERFUL MAN …THAT’S WHEN THEY GET TO THE TOP POSITION??0
We cant do them a favour by wearing lacy thongs every day.
Why we take such a long time to decide what to eat, which shoe to buy and.. everything else, really. 9 FAST IN DECIDING …I.E DECIDING NOT TO DECIDE)
Why, when we put on mascara, we open our mouths. We dont know either.( IT BALANCE THE OPEN EYES -ITS LIKE THEM MONKEYS WHICH BALANCE ITS TAILS AS IT JUMPS FROM TREE TO TREE)
Good food is important than good drinks. ( TOO MUCH DRINK WILL MAKE WOMEN LEMBEK AND FLABBY , THAT’S WHAT THEY BELIEVE)
Our need to always dig up the past. Eheh, we need something to back up our case, ok?( WOMEN HAVE A VERY GOOD WELL MAINTAINED AND DATA BASE )
Apparently, our mood swings. WHAT mood swings?!)( NOT ONLY THE MOOD SWING , ALL OTHER THING ALSO SWINGS……)

Mas Secotek

PokKu – Do you know that “mah cotek” is an important ingredient in the making of “tongkat keramat”? The tongkat keramat can be translated as the “magic stick” – except that it is not a walking stick even though the second syllable may sound the same. It is very popular in Indonesia, sold by the Jamu peddlers and even at Sarina Departmental Store in Jakarta. It consisted various herbal material wrapped in a transparent muslin cloth. It is wrapped like the spices for making ox tail soup similar to the “rempah sop bonjot”. But don’t ever be mistaken it for the “Adabi’s sop banjo’ and try make oxtail soup with it. The result will not be the desired up tail effect but it may lead tonsillitis or constipation. The wrapping is elongated to fit the relevant “stick on” contour and look more like a cigar. (I suppose, after his visit to Indonesia, Clinton had seen the magic stick and was having this idea during the Lewinsky affair.)

As to the process that occur, the herbs will seep through (osmosis) the muslin cloth to make the flesh swell inwards to result in the desired effect. The other day I saw the same device was discussed and even shown in the local TV Wanita program. However, don’t be mistaken for the Trengganu‘s popular “tongkat keramat” – it is a kind of popular Chinese kueh where twin elongated dough is fried in oil and is as soft as doughnut. ( Buaya 69 will know the exact name). The two “tongkat keramat” can be considered as double take of before and after. – Indonesian’s is before and Trengganu is after.

Navel Base

Based on POk Ku's Blog on the Girls wearing jeans below the navel.

In Ganuspeak, it may be called “Fesyen Pusat Jeler “(as compared the “lidah jeler” greeting as done by the New Zealand Maori warriors or when small children taunting each another). This term is used when one (usually small boys who don’t know how to roll their sarong) is wearing the sarong pelikat below the navel .The lidah jeler fashion was associated with the sarees. But the old saree have the extra clothing which is sling on to the shoulder is used to cover the navel. Or alternatively, the “coli” is made bigger to cover the bare midriff. But if you see the modern fashion show in Mumbai or Delhi, the bare stomach even goes further down. Focusing on the navel of the models. In Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, the fashion conscious pregnant ladies do wear this style but they show three big bulges instead of one tiny navel depression.

It may bring the paresteshia in the girl but on the other hand it also caused the hardening of certain boneless muscles especially when one imagine the similarity of the tiny naval depression with the lower valley depression. It will result not only certain part of the body suffering from paresteshia but the whole body shivering “hamsaply”. If you get the paresteshia, it is ok at least you can take off your “serban” (turban). But if you get shivering to the whole body, one may not know what to do. The boys control mechanism is to wear tight hugging jeans- the one that is worn by Superman ( with the underwear outside) or by Michael Jackson with the hockey goalkeeper ball guard clutching the crouch.
The western society emphasized more on exposing the body and condemns the modesty of Eastern culture for covering their body parts. Perhaps, it is the cold winters they have to endure in covering themselves that had psychologically urge them to unwrap their body. We don’t have cold winters here. Perhaps, they subscribe to skin deep beauty and they have to reveal their skin and the depth is only navel’s depth

Nasi Ayam on the Rock

PokKu@ GRANDPA GERAM AYAM NASI KUAH TAKDOK- If you carry on taking the nasi ayam “on the rock” i.e. without the soup, you’ll soon be afflicted with piles. You cannot bite anyone’s head off not even the roasted ayam’s since they hanged headless making it difficult to detect if it is slaughtered below or above the halqum.
Malaysian eating shop has their own ISO i.e. “Ikut Suka Owner” of the shop. What is important is the food as long as it tastes nice- the shabbier the gerai, the cheaper the price, and the nicer the food... The terminology you used “Eating Shop” is very appropriate. We used to know these places as Eating Shop, Tuck Shop, Restaurant, Restoren (where you Rest and sipped fresh Oren), Rumah Makan (Indonesian terminology) and even Kedai Makan. Sometimes, there is a label which stated “Kedai Makan Orang Islam”. Since the Muslim dared not go to those shops since they will be eaten alive, those shops had repainted on their own as “Halal” and some times misread as Halau.
Is it ayam percik or ayam golek – What the difference? In ayam percik, the kuah is being sprinkled (perciked) on the chicken. While for ayam golek - the chicken is being “goleked”in the kuah – that is to perform the tarian gelek (belly dancing) in the kuali. I suppose, percik is Kelantan terminology and golek is Trengganu terminology and I prefer the golek /gelek /gyrating chicken.
There is a new version – the soupless nasi ayam which is sold by Mc D and Ayam Mas. But the kicap sauce is much diluted (cair) being poured (siram) generously on the rice. I remember in Kota Kinabalu, the soup will always come free with whatever dish you ordered. Even though you order soup sapi, there is an extra accompanying soup air next to it. After all, the soup is easy to make- just take the left over water which was used to boil the ayam /daging sapi with some Ajinomoto. So don’t be so puffttttt about the soup PokKu.

Chicken Fined for Crossing the Road

The chicken will finds it hard to pay the fine imposed by the court since it is the poorest animal. Why the chicken is considered the poorest animal (bird)? It has to “kais pagi makan pagi, kais petang makan petang.” It has no shoes, slippers or sandals but have to go bare footed (kaki ayam). So, it may have to go to jail. But there is no animal / birds jail. After all, the layers and even broilers are now being jailed in small compartments to lay eggs. Perhaps, the richest animal can bail him out of the situation by paying the fine to the court. What is the richest animal? Of course, it the Bear (Beruang) since the name itself suggests it is loaded with money. Perhaps, the chicken can perform some sleazy strip tease show to earn some money. But dressed chicken is not so sexy while undressed chicken is full of feathers .It may have to ask the help of the sexiest animal to do some sleazy show and earned some money to pay for the fines. What is the sexiest animal? Zebra pronounced as Zip Bra (if you are a bra’s zip “definitely you’re sexy” especially when it is unzipped.

The chicken will also be fined not only for crossing the road in California but for staying in residential areas in the gazetted urban areas in Malaysia. There was one case where one neighbour was rearing chickens at the back of their house. It was not allowed by the municipality regulations (unhygienic and spread the Hama ayam). The chicken rearer was fined by the court but the main defendant (chicken) was not there since it was slaughtered for dinner before the court case. I suppose that is the kampong chicken which is not allowed to reside in the urban areas. On the other hand, the kampong chicken which stays in the rural areas is very expansive. If you want real kampong chicken, the feet of the chicken should be black then it is a real kampong chicken. If the feet are not black, it is half bred kampung chicken since it is crossed with local urban chicken. However, if the chicken is from Ipoh ( Ipoh mali one) , then it is different type of ayam altogether.

Kuantan 60s Nostalgia

Kuantan Memory Lane Nostalgia in the 60s : Went to Tanjung Lumpur jetty to see fisherman landing their fish and bought the fresh fish from the boat washer boy; Crossed to Tanjung Lumpur by boat to visit friend overseas ; Went to the wooden mosque to drink aerated water after Maulud procession; went to Bukit Ubi to attend funeral; Cycled to Teluk Chempedak for picnic; Walked under the tree along Padang Besar to watch medicine seller selling ubat kuat (he clapped his tigh and show his index fingers) and at night bought the durian by the longgok; Buy your provisions at A.S. Dawood, Buy your book at MBS bookshop, Went for the haircut next to PCCL office ( Only One Ringgit per head) , Went to Sultana Cinema for cheap matinee ( 25 cents only), Watched the latest Malay Movie at Rex Cinema and eat celup tahu + timun , Watched Tennis at KRC, Watched football between Jabor and Tanjung Lumpur team ( to see the fist fight among the players and join in to boo the referee), , Bought bread at Heng Meng bakery, Ate Mee Rebus daging at the corner restaurant in front of the police station , Bought roti canai at Restoran Abu Bakar, Saw the stage show was held in Lee Woh Hall ; Went to Mamak Stall ( next to Aziz Café) for soup kambing and cendol for your midnight supper; Go to Tanah Putih just to look at orang bujang , went back home at kampong selamt and Selamat Malam.

Health

Health Care

Before, we were used to sleep on mattress
Now we have to lay on the mat, nevertheless
We have to take care of our body
So as to be always healthy

Our face should not be bloated
Our body should not be fatigued
Don’t ever invite any illness to come
Don’t let any fever come calling

The private doctors are very expensive nowadays
When he tests our urine, we get more migraine
When he takes our temperature under your armpit
We gasp for air with severe chest pain and sit
When he tests our blood, we are worried of cancer
When he injects our face; it twirls like crumpled paper

What can we do, there are many kind of pills
The big ones are as big as the mango seed
Given a pill, we find it hard in swallowing
When he dispenses the pills, our eyes start blinking
What can we do, if we calculate the cost
It is more expansive than the gunpowder, of course

This is what we have the aversion
Since it is far beyond our expectation
To mortgage the land, we have no property
We have to dispose whatever, what a pity
But we have to remember that during hard times
We are not left with small cloth to cover the loin.

IF I WERE......

If I am a comic artist, I will draw the pictures of the comic myself
If I could be CEO, I will Cabut Ekor Orang (CEO) semua
If I am a lawyer, I will sue every one including myself
If I could be a mob boss, I will ask the cleaners to mob the public toilet after every sitting and every shooting.
If I were a chef, I will be the iron chef for cooking Magee mee.
If I am a midget stripper, I will strip my clothes in small pieces.
If I am a writer, I will not type of these stuff but write them in cursive beautiful handwriting.
If I were a TV chat show, I will chat in the IRC on the TV screen
If I am a psychologist, I will look for another one ( se ekor lagi)
If I were an inn keeper, I will keep all my ink black and blue in a big bottle.
If I could be a scientist, I will “sign” all the cheques and give one million ringgit each to all the bloggers here
If I could be a musician, I will always play the musical chair
If I could be a doctor, I will doctor all the documents and digital photographsif I could be a painter, I will not need any pain killer.
If I could be a gardener, I will not only have 10 green fingers but I want to be the Incredible Huk with my big eleventh finger also in green.If I could be a missionary, I will miss even the missionary position
If I could be a chef, I will invent the tarik machine for the use of MAS /AirAsia airline.If I could be an architect, I will redesign the public toilet using transparent glass.
If I could be a linguist, I will practice ventroquist, so that my mouth can talk and my throat can translate
If I could be a librarian, I will migrate to Republic of Liberia in West AfricaIf I could be an athlete, I will never dope my head in the pondIf I could be a professor, I will “professed” to be a university teacher If I could be a backup dancer, I will dance the baby elephant dance at your backIf I could be a llama-rider, I will ride for a long long time ( lama lama)If I could be a pariah, I will not be as bitter as the bittergourd.If I could be an actor, I will construct a biological reactor
If I could be a judge, I will swing a sword at you with a blindfold eyes.If I could be a jedi, I make sure all things you do semua tak jadiif I could be a backup singer, I will buck up and then be the lead singer.If I could be a movie reviewer, I will apply to be the member of the Censorship Board.
If I could be a monkey's uncle, I will always wear an ankle guard.
If [reader] could be a househusband, I will employ two beautiful house maids.If [reader] could be a lifeguard, I will guard my life first without disregarding other’s life.